Oops, I Queefed

COMING SOON: IN DEVELOPMENT

Natalie Brooks was finally ready to have sex again. Her body, apparently, had notes.

At thirty-five, Natalie has spent eighteen months recovering from a divorce that left her confidence somewhere between fragile and please don’t perceive me.

She has rebuilt the practical parts of her life beautifully. New apartment. New routines. Better friends. Excellent credit. A respectable collection of houseplants she has managed not to kill.

Emotionally?

Under renovation.

But eventually a woman has needs, and Natalie decides it is time to stop treating intimacy like an extreme sport requiring specialized insurance.

She meets someone.

Attractive. Funny. Kind. Emotionally available in a way Natalie finds immediately suspicious.

One date becomes another. Flirting becomes kissing. Kissing eventually becomes the first genuinely intimate night Natalie has allowed herself since her marriage ended.

Everything is going wonderfully.

Until her body makes a noise.

A very specific noise.

An unmistakable noise.

A noise Natalie is fairly certain can be heard from space.

She freezes.

Her date freezes.

Natalie’s soul quietly leaves her body, collects its belongings, and begins researching countries without extradition treaties.

She has queefed.

There will be no recovery.

Except…her date doesn’t laugh.

Doesn’t recoil.

Doesn’t make a joke.

Instead, Natalie receives the most horrifying response imaginable:

Kindness.

Because bodies make noises. Sex is imperfect. People are awkward. And apparently one embarrassing moment does not make Natalie undesirable, unlovable, or fundamentally defective.

This information is extremely inconvenient.

What begins as one mortifying encounter slowly becomes something Natalie never intended to find: a relationship where she doesn’t have to perform perfection to deserve affection.

But allowing someone to see her body is one thing.

Allowing them to see the insecurities, anger, loneliness, and unfinished pieces her divorce left behind is considerably more terrifying.

And when the past she thought she had neatly packed away returns with impeccable timing, Natalie must decide whether she is willing to risk being fully known—or retreat to the carefully controlled life where nobody can embarrass her because nobody can truly reach her.

Hilarious, tender, unapologetically human, and gloriously inappropriate, Oops, I Queefed is a romantic comedy about body confidence, divorce, vulnerability, second chances, and discovering that intimacy begins when you stop apologizing for being human.

Because sometimes the moment you wish you could erase…

is the moment somebody finally sees you.